In every circle of friends, there’s often one person who seems to have it all together, the one everyone turns to when they need advice, comfort, or support. That person is commonly known as "the strong friend." They’re the ones who can keep it together no matter what, who listen patiently and provide a shoulder to cry on, who rarely, if ever, show signs of struggle themselves.
But what happens when the strong friend is not okay? And how do you navigate life when you’re the one expected to always have it all together?
The Burden of Strength
Being the strong friend can feel like a badge of honor. It’s fulfilling to know that people trust you with their problems and look to you for guidance. You might pride yourself on being reliable and steady, the one who others can count on during tough times. But often, this role comes with an unspoken cost: the weight of everyone’s struggles, including your own, rests on your shoulders, and it can be overwhelming.
As the strong friend, you may feel the need to hide your emotions and downplay your own hardships. You might think, "Everyone else has it worse," or "I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems." Over time, this constant repression can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and feelings of isolation.
Are YOU the Strong Friend?
Not everyone who takes on the role of the strong friend is aware of the toll it’s taking. Here are a few signs that you might be that person in your friend group:
You’re often the one people go to when they need advice or a listening ear.
You rarely open up about your own struggles and tend to deal with things on your own.
You feel guilty or uncomfortable asking for help.
You tend to minimize your own feelings and think you should “just handle it.”
You feel emotionally drained after supporting others but don’t allow yourself time to recover.
While it’s wonderful to be a source of strength for your loved ones, it’s crucial to recognize when the weight becomes too heavy.
The Hidden Struggles of the Strong Friend
It’s a common misconception that strong friends are immune to life’s hardships. In reality, they’re just as human as anyone else. They experience anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and emotional pain—often quietly and behind closed doors. The difference is that the strong friend may feel pressure to keep up appearances, which can lead to internalizing their struggles rather than seeking help.
One of the dangers of being the strong friend is that others may assume you don’t need support. Friends and family might overlook your pain because you seem so capable, so resilient. But no one is meant to carry their emotional load alone, and even the strongest need someone to lean on from time to time.
It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
If you’re the strong friend, it’s important to remember that it’s okay not to be okay. You don’t always have to be the one holding it together for everyone else. It’s not a sign of weakness to admit when you’re struggling or to ask for help. In fact, allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be an act of strength.
Here are a few ways to care for yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the role of being the strong friend:
Give yourself permission to feel: You’re allowed to experience difficult emotions without minimizing them. Whatever you’re going through is valid, and it’s okay to acknowledge that things aren’t always easy.
Set boundaries: It’s important to establish emotional boundaries so you don’t become drained by always being the go-to person. Don’t be afraid to take a step back when you need to recharge.
Reach out for support: Strong friends often struggle with asking for help, but it’s crucial to have someone you can turn to when things get tough. Whether it’s a therapist, family member, or trusted friend, find someone you can talk to about what you’re going through.
Practice self-care: Make time for activities that replenish your energy, whether it’s spending time alone, engaging in a creative hobby, exercising, or simply resting. Your mental and emotional health deserve just as much attention as anyone else’s.
Remember you don’t have to fix everything: Sometimes, strong friends feel responsible for solving everyone else’s problems. But you can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, and that’s okay. It’s enough to simply listen and offer support without feeling obligated to find a solution.
How to Support the Strong Friend
If you recognize that someone in your life is the strong friend, it’s essential to check in on them. Just because they seem capable of handling everything doesn’t mean they’re not struggling. Here are a few ways you can support them:
Ask how they’re really doing: Go beyond the surface level “how are you?” and encourage them to open up about how they’re feeling. Sometimes, all it takes is a genuine, compassionate conversation for them to feel comfortable sharing.
Offer support without waiting for them to ask: Strong friends often won’t ask for help because they don’t want to burden others. Offer to spend time together, lend a listening ear, or simply let them know you’re there for them.
Remind them it’s okay to lean on others: Encourage your strong friend to reach out when they need help and remind them that you’re there for them just as much as they’ve been there for you.
Strength in Vulnerability
Being the strong friend doesn’t mean you’re invincible. It’s okay to admit when you’re struggling and to ask for support when you need it. True strength lies not in carrying the weight of the world alone but in recognizing when it’s too heavy and being willing to share the load.
Remember, you are not defined by your ability to always be okay. You are human, and you deserve the same care, compassion, and support that you so freely give to others.
Let’s take a moment to check on our strong friends and remind them that they don’t have to be strong all the time. We’re in this together.
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